No, You're Not the Only Man Who Struggles with Body Image Issues
The pervasive idea that body image concerns are exclusive to women is both inaccurate and harmful. In reality, many adult men experience similar struggles, but their experiences often go unnoticed.
Pressured by societal standards that glorify a bigger, more muscular physique, men find themselves on the opposite side of the same coin that pressures women to be thinner or more toned.
Unfortunately, men are generally reluctant to open up about body image-related challenges, making them even more difficult to address.
This shared struggle with body image transcends mere aesthetics, seeping into more profound aspects of life. It can erode intimacy within relationships, diminish confidence in professional settings, and fundamentally alter how men perceive and speak to themselves. If you struggle with body image dissatisfaction, know that you are not alone, and that there are strategies and practices that can help you develop a healthier relationship with your body.
What is body image?
Body image refers to the complex and deeply individual experience consisting of a person's attitudes, beliefs, and perceptions of their own body, as well as their feelings about these perceptions.
Children of all genders receive direct and indirect messages regarding how to think and feel about their bodies from an early age.These messages, whether positive or negative, significantly influence body image and can leave lasting impressions well into adulthood.
Men and body image
The fact is, many men are profoundly dissatisfied with their bodies. For men, body image dissatisfaction often manifests as a quiet struggle with self-acceptance. This can lead to avoidance of certain social activities and a preoccupation with clothing that conceals perceived imperfections. The impacts extend beyond the physical, influencing mental health and confidence and affecting interactions in both personal and professional settings. This dissatisfaction can also prompt an unhealthy focus on rigorous exercise or dieting regimes aimed at achieving an idealized body shape.
Signs of negative body image
Preoccupation with appearance — A preoccupation sounds hard to define. Still, if you are constantly looking in the mirror, wondering about how others are perceiving your body and/or poking, pinching, and feeling your body to see if you've gained muscle or lost weight, this is likely something to look into. This level of focus on physical appearance can be a strong indicator of underlying body image issues.
Negative, body-focused self-talk — Regularly engaging in negative self-talk about your body can have a profound impact on your mood and self-esteem and can interfere with your ability to enjoy daily activities. This might include harsh critiques of your physical appearance or comparing yourself unfavorably to others.
Excessive anxiety over exercise – Feeling intense anxiety or distress when you miss a workout is a sign that your self-worth may be too closely tied to your exercise routine and physical fitness. This can indicate an unhealthy relationship with body image.
Restrictive eating habits — If you find yourself avoiding foods you enjoy as a punishment for not meeting specific fitness or body weight goals or following an overly restrictive diet, these behaviors can be signs of negative body image. These dietary restrictions often stem from a desire to control or drastically change one's appearance.
Recognizing these signs can be the first step towards addressing and improving your relationship with body image.
Common misconceptions about body image
Misconceptions about body image can significantly hinder men from seeking help. Some common misconceptions include:
1. Only women and girls struggle with body image.
FALSE This myth does a massive disservice to men and women alike! Men, like women, are burdened by society's unrealistic expectations and social comparison. And they can and do struggle with negative body image. Research shows that body image struggles for men have tripled in the past 25 years. Although they differ for men and women, social, beauty, and image standards are extremely and unrealistically high across the board.
2. Everyone should aim for body positivity.
FALSE Body positivity is great. It's also an unrealistic goal for a lot of people, at least sometimes. On the other hand, body neutrality is often more attainable and is an excellent goal for anyone struggling with body dissatisfaction. It involves cultivating gratitude and functional appreciation for all your body does and allows you to do instead of fixating on physical appearance. "I appreciate my arms because I can hold my children." "I'm grateful for my legs because I can play basketball." "I appreciate my eyes because they allow me to watch the sunset."
3. All body image issues are weight-based.
FALSE: While many body image issues are about size, they certainly are not all about size. Body image concerns can also relate to one's height, the color of their skin, the size and shape of their nose, and other physical features. These issues may receive less attention but are equally significant in how they can impact an individual's self-esteem and mental health.
4. Meeting your fitness goals will improve your body image.
FALSE: Hitting your goals is awesome, yet somehow, the goalposts keep moving. In cases of negative body image, the challenges are usually more about internal perceptions than external appearances. That's why, although reaching fitness milestones can be rewarding and boost confidence, it often doesn't resolve the underlying issues contributing to negative body image.
5. Body image dissatisfaction is not a big deal.
I disagree. The truth is that all humans experience some dissatisfaction with their body image from time to time. For some, the negativity is fleeting, and they don't spend much time there. For others, their negativity towards their body dominates their thoughts and interrupts their lives by impacting self-confidence, causing restrictive diets, and decreasing intimacy in relationships.
Male body image statistics
25% of men of "normal" weight view themselves as being underweight.
Men who are dissatisfied with their bodies are more likely to be depressed and anxious.
About ¼ of young men report disordered eating due to body dissatisfaction.
Only about ¼ of men feel satisfied with their body and weight.
What influences negative body image in men?
Cultural and societal expectations
"Expectations are a significant factor in contributing to negative body image. Actors portraying superheroes in film and television often undergo extreme body transformations for their roles, setting unattainable standards for the average person. Fitness influencers on social media promote physiques that are often unrealistic without full-time dedication and sacrificing common social activities, such as dining out.
Additionally, boys grow up with toys that emphasize exaggerated muscularity, such as action figures and characters like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. These toys present unrealistic body standards, similar to the effect of Barbie dolls on young girls. The cumulative impact of these influences on boys can lead to unrealistic expectations about their own bodies as they grow into men.
Past experiences
Many men have been criticized by family and/or their peers for their bodies, which can set off a chain reaction that develops into pervasive negative body image thoughts and shame about one's body. Some men receive the message that they are not muscular or tall enough. Others are criticized for being overweight or not being athletic enough.
Childhood bullying can have a lasting impact, influencing body image issues well into adulthood. When boys are bullied about their appearance, weight, height, or physical abilities, these negative experiences can profoundly affect their self-esteem and body perception.
Sometimes, men aren't necessarily criticized but compare themselves to the athletes they admire or the actors they see in film and television and conclude that they don't measure up to what they see. These factors influence how a man thinks and feels about his body.
Fitness/gym culture
Fitness culture can profoundly impact men's body image and sometimes undermine the original, positive intent of exercise. We live in a culture that typically tells women they need to be thinner and men they need to be more muscular. At face value, there is nothing wrong with being thin or having muscles. What gets in the way of achieving happiness and contentment is when the drive to put on muscles overtakes your life and begins to rob you of enjoyment.
The drive to meet fitness culture's standards can lead to obsessive behaviors around exercise, such as overtraining or rigid adherence to meal plans. These can be counterproductive and even harmful to physical health, leading to injuries, burnout, or nutritional deficiencies. The focus on physical appearance can also overshadow the mental health benefits of exercise.
How body image dissatisfaction can impact men's daily lives…
… at work
Confidence is a cornerstone of our professional demeanor. However, when negative body image takes hold, it can significantly undermine this confidence. For example, when preparing to give a presentation, negative body image can become a major distraction, leading to concerns about how your appearance is perceived and ultimately hindering your ability to perform at your best. It's crucial to address these issues to maintain a strong professional presence.
With the rise of videoconferencing, another common issue is becoming overly focused on one's own image rather than engaging with others. This self-focus can be distracting because it's not something we experience in face-to-face interactions. Combining this with negative internal dialogue about one's body can complicate the situation further, impacting one's performance and interactions in professional settings.
… in romantic relationships
If you are struggling with your body image, it can affect your desire to be intimate with your partner. Regardless of your partner expressing love and attraction, negative body image can make it difficult for you to believe them. This skepticism can erode trust within the relationship, and when trust is questioned, it can lead to a range of other issues. The ripple effect of body image dissatisfaction can, therefore, significantly strain the emotional and physical intimacy that is vital to a healthy partnership.
… as a parent
How we think, feel, and talk about our bodies directly influences the little ears always listening. Those little ears turn into teenagers who are barraged with the same cultural messages as you are but don't have the benefit of age and wisdom to help them filter out the noise. The comments you might make innocuously about your body or someone else's are all teaching moments that are being digested and internalized by your children.
… in terms of their mental and physical health
Our bodies are a significant part of who we are, alongside our personality, intellect, spirit, and more. When we are mostly dissatisfied with our bodies, we often question our worth. For many people, negative body image doesn't just affect how they view their physical appearance—it spills over into other areas of life, undermining confidence and self-esteem. This pervasive dissatisfaction can contribute to higher rates of depression and anxiety, illustrating the profound impact that body image can have on overall mental health and well-being.
Steps men can take to overcome negative body image
Acknowledge how you feel (without judgment)
The first step is always recognition. Once you understand you are struggling with negative body image, you can begin to take steps. An important part of acknowledgment is knowing that judgment might be pretty close behind. "Men aren't supposed to struggle with this. Why are you being so weak?" Judging what you are struggling with compounds the problem and doesn't help you grow.
1.Challenge negative thoughts
Challenging your negative thoughts can be as simple as asking questions that get to the truth and bring values into the discussion, like: Is that actually true? Or Is that the right person for me to base my self-worth on?
Let's try it:
Negative body image thought - No one will ever love me because I'm not muscular enough.
Challenge: Is that actually true?
Negative body image thought - I'm embarrassed to go out because of how much weight I've gained.
Challenge: Do I have any proof that anyone (other than me) is judging me? If so, are they really the kind of person I want influencing my own self-image?
2.Identify exposure to harmful influences.
You may notice that certain social media accounts or people in your life activate negative body-directed thoughts and emotions. Those experiences will happen in our lives and we need to be honest with what we need to limit and even completely cut out.
Maybe you need to stop following certain influencers and limit your time on social media. Make those changes, and you'll notice a difference in a few short days. Or you may need to consider spending less time with certain people in your friend group or family.
None of these decisions are easy or particularly fun, but if you want to shift your mindset, changes like this might be the next right decision.
3.Ask: How does your body serve you?
Sometimes, a great way to infuse some positivity into your self-dialogue about your body is by reminding yourself all your body does to serve you and those you love:
My arms allow me to hold my kids and my dog.
My legs give me the ability to hike with my best friend.
My hands are a gift because I use them to prepare food for my loved ones.
My face is incredibly helpful because it helps me communicate with those around me.
Avoid comparison
"Comparison is the thief of joy." I find that this common adage is true practically all of the time. When I've worked with men to limit their social media usage and reduce the amount of time they spend comparing themselves to other men they deem aspirational, their life satisfaction goes up, their anxiety goes down, and they feel much better about their lives, bodies, and relationships. This is not a magic pill, but cutting comparisons out of your life will absolutely move the needle in terms of improving body image.
4.Don't suffer in silence; talk to people you trust.
Many men grapple with negative self-talk about their body image, and you might be surprised by how many are willing to acknowledge these struggles openly. Engaging in discussions within a men's group with a therapist or a coach can be incredibly beneficial. Not only does it provide you support and strategies to cope, but it also sets a powerful example. By openly discussing your experiences, you give other men and boys implicit permission to voice their concerns and challenges, fostering a supportive environment where issues can be addressed collectively rather than suffer in isolation.
5.Consider talking to a mental health professional.
Journaling can be a huge help and a kickstarter for a better body image. But for some, reaching out to a professional for some help, guidance, and accountability will be necessary. For many, we are going to be talking about reinventing the way you think, feel, and view yourself, and that is a tall task. Knowing when and how to reach out for support is a skill all men should develop.
How can therapy help men improve their body image?
Therapy isn't a magic formula where you show up, cry a few times, and are all good. It's less about crying and more about learning to talk about the things you've thought about for years but buried deep down inside and poured a bottle of bourbon over the top for safe measure.
Identify your feelings —Get to the root of your emotions and understand what triggers your negative body image.
Clarify impact — Explore how these feelings affect your relationships, work, overall fulfillment, and ability to be fully present in your life.
Develop coping strategies: Learn techniques to manage and combat negative thoughts and perceptions.
Focus on growth: Therapy can address immediate concerns and help you build long-term emotional resilience and self-acceptance skills. Therapy doesn't give you a fish; it teaches you to fish, so to speak.
Therapy provides a supportive environment where you can explore body image-related issues without judgment. It won't change how you feel about your body overnight. Still, it can help you develop the skills to navigate body image challenges and continually improve your relationship with and perception of your body.
You can have a better relationship with your body.
One of my favorite cartoons as a kid was G.I. Joe. At the end of every episode, they offered a moral lesson and emphasized that action is necessary with the phrase, "Knowing is half the battle." I am increasingly convinced that we don't think or reason our way into a new way of living; instead, we live our way into a new way of thinking.
The ball is in your court now, brother. As with any relationship, improving your one with your body takes effort. By taking action on what you've learned from this post, you can transform how you talk to yourself and take steps toward the life you want to be living. This isn't just about knowing the issues—it's about moving forward with that knowledge to make real changes.