7 Benefits of Couples Therapy
What is couples therapy? | Benefits of couples therapy | Misconceptions | Ending the relationship | Online couples therapy | Invest in your relationship
While most people may only think of couples therapy as a means of resolving conflicts or addressing relationship challenges, its benefits extend far beyond just problem-solving.
The three most common reasons couples seek therapy are sex, money, and communication. However, couples therapy can benefit any couple willing to actively engage in the therapeutic process and commit to making positive changes in their relationship, regardless of the specific challenges they may be facing.
Wherever you may be in your relationship, if you’re willing to invest the time and effort, couples therapy may be the transformative tool you need to navigate challenges, deepen your connection, and nurture a stronger, more fulfilling partnership with your significant other.
Key takeaways
Learning the most effective ways to communicate within the relationship is foundational in couples therapy and will benefit other areas of your life as well.
There is no wrong reason for wanting to seek couples therapy.
No matter where you are in your relationship journey, there is a path to a more fulfilling partnership.
For partners committed to doing the work, couples therapy can unlock new levels of intimacy and understanding.
What is couples therapy?
Couples therapy, also known as couples counseling or relationship therapy, is a type of psychotherapy designed to help couples address issues within their relationship and improve their overall satisfaction and functioning.
Couples therapy can benefit:
Couples in distress
Premarital couples
Couples recovering from infidelity
Couples navigating significant life transitions
Couples who want to improve communication
Couples struggling with intimacy
Couples who want to strengthen their relationship.
Working as a team is essential in couples therapy. And like many things in life, what you get out of couples therapy often has a lot to do with what you put into it; partners who work together and provide each other with mutual support, validation, and encouragement throughout the therapy process typically have a more productive experience than those who “phone it in.”
Not only does working together towards common goals promote accountability within the relationship, but this supportive teamwork can help alleviate feelings of isolation, build trust, and strengthen partners’ bond.
Benefits of couples therapy
1. Improved communication
"One cannot not communicate.” -Paul Watzlawick
Communication is foundational in building a healthy and thriving relationship. Discovering and understanding the best ways to communicate with and to your partner will help navigate the hard discussions and create more joy in the relationship. In therapy, couples hone their communication skills and practice applying these skills in their interactions with one another.
Active listening — Couples learn how to listen to each other attentively without interrupting or jumping to conclusions. Active listening involves paraphrasing, asking clarifying questions, and empathizing with the speaker's emotions. Often overlooked is that our communication also includes how we listen. In session, clients often hear me say, "Listen with your face." This is my way of reminding them that the goals of listening are to understand what the other person is saying and to let them know you are listening to understand. It can seem magical when couples start to listen to understand rather than listen to respond.
Psychoeducation — In couples therapy, therapists educate clients about the importance of effective communication in relationships as well as the role of nonverbal cues in conveying emotions and intentions. In my practice, for example, I help couples explore their body language, facial expressions, tone of voice, and other subtle ways they communicate in their relationships. Clients also become more aware of their own communication patterns.
Validate one another’s perspectives — Sometimes, the core of a dispute is the challenge of seeing where the other person is coming from. In a partnership, both partners’ experiences are equally valid. Learning to acknowledge where the other is coming from and validating their emotions will be a game changer in a relationship that lacks this quality. Hearing and understanding will deepen conversations and will defuse formerly volatile situations.
Identify communication blocks: Therapists can help couples recognize and address communication barriers that hinder effective interaction, such as defensiveness, criticism, or judgment. By identifying and overcoming these blocks, clients can engage in more open and constructive communication.
2. Heal old wounds and build trust
Healing wounds and building trust often go hand in hand. Couples therapy provides a structured and supportive framework for couples to create a more secure and fulfilling relationship.
Unresolved pain — Past betrayals or breaches of trust can create lingering trust issues that impact the current relationship. Individuals may struggle to trust their partner fully, leading to jealousy, suspicion, or the need for constant reassurance. Without intervention, a lack of trust can erode the foundation of the relationship, hindering intimacy and connection. Therapy can help couples and individuals identify and address old emotional wounds and root causes of trust issues so they don’t continue to create distance and mistrust in their current relationship.
Forgiveness — Couples therapy facilitates forgiveness and letting go of past resentments and grievances. This includes facilitating self-forgiveness, or the permission to move past one's past mistakes and shortcomings. Forgiveness of self and others is crucial in the healing process.
Addressing infidelities — Therapy provides a safe, structured process for addressing infidelity. Therapists help partners explore the impact of the betrayal, express their emotions, and work toward forgiveness and reconciliation. Couples also develop resilience, adaptability, and problem-solving abilities that strengthen their bond and protect against future breaches of trust.
3. Deepen intimacy with your partner
This is a common goal in couples therapy. Improving intimacy comes up both intentionally and organically and means something different for each couple. For some, deepening intimacy means a greater ability to have honest discussions. For others, it means having more or better sex. And for some couples, intimacy means closeness, fun, and laughing more together. Whatever the intimacy goals are, this is both the fun and the beauty of the hard work done in and out of session.
Emotional connection — Therapy encourages couples to explore their emotional connection while fostering empathy and understanding between partners. Through guided discussions and practice, couples deepen their understanding of each other's inner world, feelings, and experiences.
Sensuality and romance: Couples therapy encourages the exploration of sensuality, romance, and affection in the relationship. Some therapists may suggest activities or exercises to help couples reconnect physically, reigniting passion and intimacy.
Skills development — Therapy teaches couples practical skills for enhancing intimacy, such as active listening, emotional attunement, and nonverbal communication. These skills help partners connect on a deeper level and create moments of intimacy in their daily interactions.
4. Create an aligned relationship roadmap
Sometimes, a couple’s primary focus is simply (or not so simply) getting on the same page, maybe for the first time.
Clarify values and goals — Identifying goals and creating a shared vision and language within the relationship. Therapists guide couples in clarifying their individual values, goals, and priorities, and then facilitate discussions to identify shared values and mutual aspirations for the relationship.
Creating a shared vision — Identifying what the next phase of life is going to be together can be a powerful benefit of couples therapy. Whether it's discussing the possibility of starting a family, considering a career change or relocation, or navigating the transition to empty nesters, couples therapy helps partners communicate openly and honestly about their desires, concerns, and fears. Therapists facilitate constructive dialogues, helping couples explore different scenarios, weigh the pros and cons, and make informed decisions that align with their values and aspirations.
5. Hone healthy conflict resolution skills
The Gottman Institute is renowned for its research-based approach to relationship counseling and conflict resolution. Founded by Drs. John and Julie Gottman, the institute is dedicated to studying the science of relationships and providing evidence-based tools and techniques to help couples strengthen their bonds and navigate conflicts effectively.
Research from The Gottman Institute shows that it isn’t really how or how frequently a couple fights that create problems, but rather if the argument style works for both parties and how they make up. What this means is that in couple’s therapy some of the work is to identify what the couple wants regarding their conflict style and how they resolve conflicts.
One of the key contributions of the Gottman Institute to conflict resolution is the development of the "Gottman Method Couples Therapy." This approach is grounded in decades of research on couples' interactions and behaviors, which identified patterns that predict relationship success or failure.
Some of the notable features of the Gottman Method include:
The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse — The Gottmans identified four negative communication patterns that can predict relationship demise if left unchecked. These "Four Horsemen" are criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. Couples are taught to recognize these destructive behaviors and replace them with healthier communication strategies.
The Sound Relationship House Theory — The Gottmans developed the Sound Relationship House Theory, which outlines the components of a healthy relationship. These include building love maps (knowing each other deeply), nurturing fondness and admiration, turning towards each other instead of away during times of stress, establishing positive perspectives, managing conflict effectively, supporting each other's life dreams, creating shared meaning, and maintaining trust.
The Love Lab — The Gottman Institute conducted extensive research in their "Love Lab," where couples' interactions were observed and analyzed in detail. This research led to the identification of specific behaviors and patterns that are associated with successful conflict resolution and overall relationship satisfaction.
The Softened Startup — The Gottman Method emphasizes the importance of starting conversations about difficult topics gently and constructively. This involves expressing feelings using "I" statements, focusing on specific behaviors rather than general criticisms, and avoiding blame or defensiveness.
Repair Attempts — The Gottmans emphasize the significance of repair attempts – small gestures or statements that signal an intention to de-escalate conflict and reconnect emotionally. Repair attempts can include humor, apologies, physical affection, or simply expressing a desire to find common ground.
Emotion Coaching — The Gottman Method teaches couples to become more attuned to their own and their partner's emotions. Emotion coaching involves validating each other's feelings, empathizing with their experiences, and offering support and reassurance during times of stress.
6. Increase self-awareness
An often overlooked benefit of couple’s therapy is the internal growth of each individual. As you work through the aspects of your relationship that need growth, you’ll find that you are learning a lot about yourself in the process. Being open to increasing your self-awareness throughout this process will aid your growth as a couple, as well as benefit you in all other areas of your life.
7. Receive impartial advice
Unlike friends or family members who may have their biases or allegiances, a therapist remains impartial and focuses solely on the best interests of the couple and their relationship.
Objective insights — Through observation and assessment, therapists can identify recurring patterns, communication breakdowns, and underlying issues that may be contributing to conflict or dissatisfaction. This objective perspective helps couples gain clarity and understanding about their relationship dynamics.
Accountability — An impartial therapist holds both partners accountable for their actions and commitments within the therapeutic process. They help couples set goals, develop action plans, and track progress towards desired outcomes, ensuring that both partners are actively engaged in the work of therapy.
Minimize conflict — Impartial advice helps to reduce conflict within the relationship and throughout the therapeutic process. Couples may find themselves entrenched in patterns of blame or defensiveness when attempting to resolve issues on their own. A neutral therapist can facilitate constructive dialogue, ensuring that both partners feel heard and validated without escalating tensions.
The benefit of working with me is that I am impartial to the individual and partial to the couple. In our work together I will not favor one party over the other, rather my focus will be on helping to strengthen the entity created by both parties, the “us” if you will. One part of prioritizing the relationship will lead me, at times, to help one party take ownership over a specific misstep or scenario. The goal is always to push each party back towards the goals established within the couple and to work myself out of a job to where you no longer need my guidance and accountability.
Couples therapy misconceptions
Unfortunately, there are some common misconceptions about couples therapy that might prevent people from seeking help or fully benefiting from it. Some of these misconceptions about couples therapy include:
It’s a sign of failure — Some people believe that seeking couples therapy is a sign of relationship failure or weakness. However, therapy is a proactive step that shows a commitment to improving the relationship and addressing issues before they escalate.
It’s only for couples in crisis or on the brink of breaking up: — One of the biggest misconceptions is that couples therapy is only for couples facing serious relationship problems. In reality, couples therapy can benefit any couple looking to improve their relationship, strengthen their connection, or learn new skills.
Therapist will take sides — Another misconception is that the therapist will take sides or blame one partner for the problems in the relationship. In reality, therapists are neutral and work to help both partners understand each other's perspectives and work towards common goals.
One size fits all — Some may believe that couples therapy follows a strict formula or approach that works for every couple. In reality, therapists tailor their approach to meet the specific needs and goals of each couple, taking into account their unique dynamics, history, and challenges.
It’s a quick fix — Couples therapy is not a quick fix and may require time and effort to see lasting results. It's important for couples to be patient and committed to the process.
It’s for married couples — Couples therapy is not just for married couples; it can benefit couples in any type of committed relationship, including dating or cohabiting couples.
Couples therapy can be beneficial even if it doesn’t save the relationship
The primary aim of couples therapy is to enhance the quality and longevity of relationships. However, even if a relationship does not last, couples therapy can still be beneficial, providing tools for a more amicable resolution and personal growth.
Closure — Therapy can provide a space for both partners to gain closure and understanding about the reasons for the breakup. This can help facilitate a more amicable and respectful separation.
Improved communication — Therapy can help improve communication skills, which can be valuable in navigating the breakup process, especially if there are shared responsibilities or unresolved issues to address.
Personal growth — Individuals can gain insight into themselves and their relationship patterns through therapy, which can contribute to personal growth and development, even after the relationship ends.
Co-parenting support — For couples who share children, therapy can provide support and guidance for co-parenting effectively and maintaining a healthy relationship for the sake of the children.
Emotional healing — herapy can help individuals process their emotions related to the breakup, such as grief, anger, or guilt, and develop healthy coping mechanisms for moving forward.
Learning from the relationship — Therapy can help individuals reflect on their past relationship and identify lessons learned that can be applied to future relationships.
Online couples therapy: what to expect
Online therapy decreases barriers to scheduling and attending sessions. Couples are sometimes in the same room with each other and there are also sessions where, due to work or other travel, they join from separate locations. Virtual therapy provides the same benefits for couples as attending in person, but it cuts out the hassle of driving.
Invest in your relationship, invest in yourself
I am dedicated to helping you and your partner build the momentum and connection needed to advance your relationship with trust, understanding, and strength. If you think therapy could benefit you, book a free consultation today. By committing to this process, you are opening yourself up to a world where you are able to create, together, the kind of relationship that honors both of you and encourages you to be the best version of yourself.