Therapy for Men: Benefits, Barriers and What to Expect

By: Andy Williams, LMFT

WHAT IS PSYCHOTHERAPY FOR MEN? | FACTS AND STATISTICS | ORIGINS OF THERAPY | BENEFITS OF THERAPY FOR MEN | MISCONCEPTIONS | COMMON BARRIERS | WHAT TO EXPECT

I was almost 30 years old when I realized that the reason I had trouble sleeping as a kid was due to my anxiety. The feelings in my chest and gut kept me up, but I didn’t have the language, or the courage, to talk about this perceived weakness.  

Lots of boys grow into men without ever developing words to describe their emotions, often because no one ever asked or gave them permission to talk about their feelings.  Therapy is a fancy word that describes the process of learning to talk about and better understand what we are thinking and feeling emotionally. 

Key takeaways:

1. Therapy is like training for life with the help of a collaborative guide.

2. Therapy can help you unlock parts of yourself that can help you craft the life you’ve always wanted. 

3. We never get to be brave if we never feel fear.  It is ok to be nervous or intimidated by the process; just don’t let it stop you from helping yourself.

What is psychotherapy for men?

Psychotherapy, also known as talk therapy or counseling, is a valuable resource to help you move through life’s challenges. It provides a safe and supportive environment for men  to gain insights into themselves and develop strategies to improve their communication, relationships and overall quality of life.  

Therapy for men is not a bandaid for emotional challenges, nor is it designed exclusively for individuals struggling with severe mental health conditions; it is a collaborative process in which therapists work alongside clients to address underlying issues, develop coping strategies, and promote personal growth. Think of therapy as training for life.

Therapy can be helpful if you are feeling depressed or anxious or are struggling with your relationship with alcohol or pornography. It can also help men navigate and gain skills to cope with stressful life events, improve relationships, and increase self-awareness. Ultimately, the goal of therapy is to help you along the path of becoming the best version of yourself.

Men and mental health: facts and statistics

• Although women are more likely to be diagnosed with a mental health disorder, men are more likely than women to die by suicide. 

• Men are less likely to seek treatment for mental health disorders than women.

• In the United States,  males make up nearly 80% of all deaths by suicide.

• Depression is diagnosed almost twice as often in women, and men are far less likely to seek treatment for it.

• In the U.S., conformity to traditional masculine norms problematically impacts the ways in which men experience and seek help for depression. 

• In 2022, around 16 percent of men in the United States received mental health treatment or counseling in the past year

• 1 in 10 men experience depression or anxiety but less than half will receive treatment.

• The reluctance of men to engage in self-care can have several consequences that can threaten their well-being. These can include relying on unhealthy coping mechanisms such as alcohol or drug use, emotional suppression, and undiagnosed and therefore untreated mental health challenges.

• Gay and bisexual men are at greater risk for having generalized anxiety disorder.

The origins of psychotherapy

One of the most influential figures in the history of psychotherapy is Sigmund Freud, often referred to as the father of psychoanalysis. Freud's work, which began in the late 19th century, laid the foundation for many of the key concepts and techniques used in psychotherapy today.

Another important figure in the history of psychotherapy is Carl Jung, who developed analytical psychology as a more spiritual and holistic approach to therapy. Jung emphasized the importance of the unconscious and believed that individuals could achieve self-realization and wholeness through the process of individuation.

While Freud and Jung are often credited with shaping modern psychotherapy, their work was influenced by earlier thinkers, particularly those from ancient Greece. The ideas of Hippocrates, Plato, and Aristotle laid the groundwork for understanding the mind-body connection, the importance of self-awareness, and the role of virtuous behavior in mental well-being. 

Although the practice of psychotherapy has indeed evolved, its fundamental principles, rooted in understanding the complexities of the human mind, have endured.

Benefits of therapy for men

Men of all ages and backgrounds can find value in therapy. Whether grappling with depression or anxiety, managing major life changes such as divorce or career shifts, aiming to enhance relationships, or pursuing personal growth, therapy equips men with valuable tools and insights to navigate life's challenges more effectively. 

Just as it’s common and adaptive to seek out tools and training to enhance work performance, productivity and physical fitness, therapy should be normalized and sought out as an effective, powerful resource for improving emotional and relational health.

For men, the benefits of therapy can include:

• Emotional identification and regulation —Therapy can help men identify their feelings and develop language and comfortability around discussing them.  Remember, many men spend a lifetime ignoring and stuffing down their feelings, so learning what one is feeling can be a liberating experience. Knowing how to do this will make you a better partner, parent, friend and leader.

• Healthy communication skills — One cannot not communicate, is the first axiom of Paul Watzlawick’s theory of communication.  We communicate through our words, tone, facial expression and even how we listen.  Therapy is a great place to learn and practice communication skills that will take your relationships to a new level.

• Improved attitudes around intimacy/closeness—In therapy, men explore past experiences, such as childhood upbringing or past relationships, that may have influenced their attitudes towards intimacy and closeness. Therapy can also help men develop effective communication skills to express their needs, emotions, and vulnerabilities in relationships. This can improve their ability to connect with others on a deeper level.

• Stress management — Managing stress can be a key strategy in addressing many of the physical and mental health concerns men face. Work pressure, financial concerns and relationship issues are some of the most prevalent stressors for men in the U.S. Therapy can help men become more aware of their own stress triggers and warning signs, allowing them to take proactive steps to manage stress before it becomes overwhelming. 

• Coping strategies — Coping strategies and skills are crucial to long-term mental wellness and healthy relationships. By learning new coping strategies (such as identifying triggers or practicing mindfulness) and developing a deeper understanding of themselves, men can build resilience and improve their ability to navigate life's challenges.

• Enhance self-awareness and personal growth —It’s not uncommon for men to reach out for help and not have a clear ‘why’ behind their desire for help. Something might just feel off or you know you need to make some changes in your life but feel stuck and don’t know how to get started. Therapy is an excellent place to ask questions and get curious about yourself and the trajectory you are on. It can lead to a deeper understanding of why you do what you do and help you enhance your drive and dedication.  It can also lead you to an understanding of a new, previously unconsidered path for your life.  Therapy is less about having someone tell you how to see your world and more about helping you develop the ability to see your world more clearly. 

• Stronger, more fulfilling relationships—Therapy can provide men with the tools and insights they need to improve their relationships. For example, therapy can help men address trust issues, identify and change negative patterns, become more skilled in conflict resolution and learn how to establish and maintain healthy boundaries. This can lead to greater satisfaction and fulfillment in mens’ personal lives and relationships.

• Anger management —Therapy can be highly effective in helping men manage anger in healthy ways. It can help men recognize and challenge negative thought patterns that contribute to their anger, replacing them with more balanced and constructive thoughts. With the help of a therapist, men can also begin to understand and address the underlying issues that contribute to their anger.

• Stronger, more fulfilling relationships—Therapy can provide men with the tools and insights they need to improve their relationships. For example, therapy can help men address trust issues, identify and change negative patterns, become more skilled in conflict resolution and learn how to establish and maintain healthy boundaries. This can lead to greater satisfaction and fulfillment in mens’ personal lives and relationships.

Men’s therapy: common barriers and misconceptions 

Mental mental health has become a prevalent and growing concern. And yet, despite increasing awareness and the rise of online therapy, there are still many misconceptions about men’s therapy and other barriers to accessing therapeutic care. 

Common misconceptions include:

Therapy is only for people struggling with severe mental health issues — 

Anyone can reach out for therapy.  One way to look at this is to reach out for help before things become severe.  Getting an annual physical and going to the dentist for regular cleanings are common practice. Going to therapy can be viewed as preventative, just as much as it can be for acute or specific help.  

Therapy is just talking, and talking won’t change anything —  

Nothing changes unless we work to change it.  Therapy is fundamentally about learning how to make changes in your life, relationships, habits, etc. Therapy can look like two friends talking, mentorship or accountability all in the same session. The power of connecting with someone whose goal is to help you craft the life of your dreams is a powerful change agent. 

Therapy is for women — 

Therapy is certainly more commonly sought out by women.  This is likely because girls are typically socialized to talk about their feelings. Men are missing out on a gold mine of experiences and connections by avoiding emotions.  Therapy can help men identify their feelings and help them to gain skills to better communicate and operate in their lives.  

Therapy is a last resort /My situation isn’t bad enough to need therapy —

Let me be very clear: therapy is not just for extreme situations or crises. We know we should see our doctor for check-ups and preventative care so small, treatable issues don’t escalate. There’s no reason to wait until emotional or psychological distress becomes unbearable before considering therapy. Therapy can be a proactive way for men to develop skills, improve their relationships, and enhance their overall quality of life.

Vulnerability is weakness — 

Going to therapy doesn’t mean you have to be vulnerable in all circumstances. Going to therapy can be a great opportunity to learn how to be vulnerable and discuss the relationships in your life in which being vulnerable can enhance that connection. Another way to think about vulnerability in relationships is being open to asking for help or support when you need it. It is truly the pursuit of interdependence - the ability to ask for help when needed and give help when it is asked for. And frankly, vulnerability takes way too much courage for it to be considered weakness by any measure.

Other common barriers to accessing psychotherapy

• Stigma — Unfortunately, stigma can be a significant barrier to seeking therapy. Types of mental health stigma include (but are not limited to):

• Self-Stigma: This refers to the internalization of societal prejudices, leading individuals to adopt negative beliefs about themselves. It can result in feelings of shame, low self-esteem, and reluctance to seek help.

• Perceived Stigma: This is the fear of being judged or discriminated against, which can prevent individuals from disclosing their mental health struggles or seeking treatment.

• Cultural Stigma: Different cultures have varying perspectives and beliefs about mental health, which can impact how individuals perceive and seek help for their mental health challenges.

• Social Stigma: This occurs when individuals are subjected to negative attitudes and beliefs from others in society. It can lead to discrimination, social exclusion, and stereotyping.

• Perception of symptoms —Men who are not able to identify how they are feeling or tend to suppress unpleasant thoughts and emotions may not always be aware of the signs or symptoms of mental health issues. This can result in a lack of urgency in terms of seeking help.  Additionally, some men may have a limited emotional vocabulary, making it challenging to express their feelings or recognize the signs of mental health issues in themselves.

• Limiting ideas about masculinity —Traditional notions of masculinity often emphasize self-reliance and toughness, which can discourage men from seeking help for mental health issues. Admitting to needing assistance may be seen as a sign of weakness, contradicting these ideals. Unfortunately, emotional suppression can also result in delayed or inadequate mental health support.

• Lack of awareness — Some men may simply be unaware of the mental health services and resources available to them, including therapy options. They may also be unaware of the potential benefits of therapy, believing that therapy is only for people with severe mental illnesses, rather than a valuable tool for managing a range of mental health concerns.

Considering men’s therapy? Here’s what to expect:

Your first therapy session can be a significant step towards improved relationships with others, as well as yourself. Here are some of the things you can expect when you’re ready to give therapy a try:

The beginning  

It is totally normal to be nervous or apprehensive in the beginning. This is the stage where you’ll be assessed and discuss initial treatment approaches.  It is common for the first couple of sessions to ask questions about your past, your present, and your future hopes and desires.  You can also expect:

• A sense of curiosity (and perhaps relief).

• Building rapport and trust

• Judgment-free environment to explore your concerns and goals

• To learn about therapeutic approaches

Middle

Fairly quickly, we’ll move into a phase where we develop more of an action plan and discuss how to move toward healing and progress in your life.  

This is where the bulk of your therapeutic experience will be.  There will be an ongoing assessment to ensure we are moving in the right direction.  Goals will be added, and goals will be accomplished.  It is very normal to pause on a goal so as to make time for a more pressing current issue that has arisen and then return to the goal after the current issue has been resolved. You can also expect:  

• Collaboration

• Honesty

• Radical accountability

• Hard work

Ending..?

Therapy can be a long-term or short-term investment. It all depends on your goals and needs. For some, ending therapy is more like taking a break or a pause after completing a goal or series of goals. You can always come back when you need to or when you have discovered new goals to work towards. Ending therapy is a collaborative process, one that the client and therapist will come to together.  

The bottom line, it’s important to approach therapy with an open mind and a willingness to engage in the process. Remember, therapy is a collaborative process requiring effort and commitment; your active participation is key to therapy’s success.

The best version of you already exists. Let therapy help you uncover it.

My practice exists to help men gain the momentum they need to move forward in their lives with confidence, self-awareness, and resilience. If you believe you could benefit from therapy, I encourage you to book a free consultation today.