What Do Men Talk About in Therapy?
If you've never been to therapy, you may wonder, “What, exactly, should I talk about with my therapist?' The truth is, there's no right or wrong answer.
Reasons men seek therapy | What men talk about with their therapists | Emotional expression | Anger management | Developing EQ | Social challenges | Navigating change | Marriage and romantic relationships | Improving communication | Conflict resolution Work | Self-esteem and identity | Work life balance | Mental health | Benefits of therapy for men | Guided growth
Just as men seek therapy for many different reasons, the conversations men have with their therapists vary widely.
Therapists provide a supportive, nonjudgmental space where clients can share openly without judgment or shame, so there's no need to worry about saying the 'wrong' thing. Everything you bring to the table in therapy is valid and worth discussing.
In this article, we'll explore some of the topics that come up in session most frequently and briefly examine the benefits therapy has to offer.
KEY TAKEAWAYS
In therapy, men receive supportive guidance to understand themselves better and work collaboratively toward meaningful change.
Even when men don't fully recognize emotional expression as a critical issue, it often emerges as an area of focus in therapy.
Therapists help men talk about topics and areas of their lives they might otherwise avoid, such as vulnerability, emotional pain, and how past experiences continue to shape their present behavior and relationships.
Why men seek therapy
Many men need a nudge or encouragement from their spouse or a close friend before seeking therapy. Often, this results from societal norms that discourage men from openly discussing their internal experiences. Because of this, therapy might feel intimidating or unfamiliar, but it's important to remember that these feelings are not uncommon and that seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness.
Despite this hesitation, men commonly seek therapy when going through tough times -such as job loss, divorce, or navigating midlife transitions - or to address long-standing issues -such as anger management, communication difficulties, or strained relationships with their children—challenges they've never felt comfortable sharing before.
One sentiment I frequently hear from men just starting therapy is that they never realized they could talk to someone about the inner challenges they're experiencing —let alone how even to start. With that in mind, I offer this reassurance: If you're reading this and feel you have things weighing on you but don't know where to begin, that's a perfect reason to seek therapy.
What men talk about with their therapists
Emotional expression
Most of the men I've worked with didn't start therapy with the express desire to talk about improving "emotional expression." Nonetheless, more often than not, it becomes clear early in the therapeutic process that developing and improving this skill will be an essential part of their work.
As I mentioned, some men were not raised to openly discuss their inner experiences, which can affect their relationships and overall well-being. Learning to identify and express emotions is a gradual process in therapy, addressed both directly and indirectly. Some men know where to improve based on feedback from loved ones, while others are unsure where to start—and that's perfectly fine. All it takes is an open mind, a willing heart, and the willingness to fully participate and talk during therapy.
Anger management
Difficulty with emotional expression is common among the men I work with. Without adequate tools to express their emotions, men's anger can build up, leading to frustration or outbursts. By talking about these issues in therapy, men begin to recognize the things that contribute to and trigger their anger and develop strategies to express it constructively and appropriately.
Many men were taught as boys—directly and indirectly—that anger is the primary emotion they can express outwardly. While anger is an important emotion and learning how to express it is a valuable skill, it can become limiting if it's the only emotion men recognize or know how to express.
In therapy, we delve into how this mindset has shaped your life—the positive, the negative, and the challenging. We work on recognizing and embracing the full spectrum of human emotions, and how to express them in a healthy way. This may seem like a lofty goal, but the practical benefits of understanding and expressing your emotions are profound. It's about taking control and feeling empowered in your emotional life.
Fear of being judged
One common barrier men face in expressing their emotions is the fear of being judged. This fear can stem from societal expectations or past experiences where vulnerability was met with criticism or dismissal. Therapy provides a safe, judgment-free space where men are encouraged and, to some extent, taught how to talk about these fears in a non-judgmental environment, helping them gain the confidence to be more open about their emotional experiences.
Developing emotional intelligence
Emotional intelligence (EQ)—the ability to recognize, understand, and manage one’s emotions and empathize with others—is a crucial aspect of emotional expression. In therapy, I support men in building this skill, allowing them to navigate relationships better, communicate more effectively, and handle difficult emotions with greater awareness and control.
Social challenges
Men often seek therapy to talk and work through complex, nuanced issues that shape their social lives. These can include difficulties forming and maintaining friendships, dealing with loneliness, or managing social anxiety.
Therapy can be key in helping men navigate the challenges of modern social dynamics. It provides a space to talk freely about feelings of loneliness, examine current dating practices and how they are helping or hurting you, and work through the changing landscape of what it means to be a husband, father, brother and a man. Through this work, men can develop healthier relationships and build stronger social connections.
Navigating and maintaining adult friendships
Navigating friendship-related challenges is a worthwhile topic for therapy. Not only does research suggest that men tend to be less satisfied with their friendships than women, but as we age and priorities shift, work and other demands take center stage, leaving little room for making and maintaining meaningful adult friendships.
Therapists help clients gain valuable insight into relationship challenges, including friendships, and support clients in gaining insight and developing strategies for cultivating and nurturing authentic and fulfilling friendships.
Navigating change and a shifting landscape
Technology and the workplace continue to change at a breakneck pace, leaving some men wondering what and where their place is in the workforce. Similarly, society's definition of manhood and the expectations of men are changing, which has left many men questioning their place in society in general.
Talking about how these and other social constructs impact men's relationships, self-esteem, and identity can help them learn to navigate these dynamics with greater emotional openness and a heightened sense of awareness.
Marriage and other romantic relationship issues
Ongoing struggles within a man’s romantic relationship are one of the most common reasons men come to my practice— often with encouragement from their wife or romantic partner.
We explore how they talk, listen, and interact with their partner. From there, we discuss how the relationship began, what he values about it, and where he sees room for growth. Together, we identify the areas within his control and begin working on strategies to improve the relationship.
When addressing marital or other relationship issues, several related topics also tend to come up, such as:
Communication
Many men struggle to communicate effectively, resulting in frustration and misunderstandings that can threaten their romantic relationship. Talking about communication issues in therapy can be highly beneficial.
In my practice, I support men in enhancing their communication skills. I emphasize the importance of articulating thoughts and feelings openly and the power of listening in a way that fosters mutual understanding and emotional connection.
Conflict resolution
Many men seek therapy because they feel unsure or overwhelmed when it comes to resolving conflicts in their relationship and want to learn how to de-escalate conflict within their marriage.
Though it may be intimidating, talking about conflict resolution with an unbiased third party who can provide professional guidance can be extremely helpful.
Some men come to me having never learned effective strategies for managing disagreements. Some fear repeating patterns or behaviors they witnessed in their parents' relationship growing up. I work with them to develop tools for handling conflict to promote understanding rather than defensiveness, manage emotions during heated moments, and create space for their partner's perspective while still advocating for their own needs.
Trust and infidelity
Trust is foundational in relationships, and when it's broken—whether through infidelity or other actions—the healing process can take time and effort. If both partners are committed to working through it, therapy can help by addressing the underlying issues and guiding them in rebuilding trust.
Disagreements about money
Most people feel uncomfortable or anxious talking about money, which is probably why financial concerns so often come up in therapy.
Financial issues can be a significant source of tension in relationships, and men often find themselves at a loss when it comes to navigating these conversations. In therapy, we talk about how to approach financial discussions in a constructive, productive manner, with a focus on listening to their partner's concerns while also expressing their own priorities. The ultimate goal is to empower men to address these issues with confidence, while nurturing a balanced and respectful dialogue with their partners.
Employment-related concerns
A man's personal identity is often closely tied to his professional life. When his career becomes the sole defining aspect of who he is, it can lead to a personal crisis if something challenging happens to damage that identity. In therapy, I address all facets of a man's life—career, family, hobbies, interests, and friendships. Recognizing that you are more than just your job can bring about a decisive shift, changing how you manage your time, how you talk about yourself, and how you set your life goals.
While a career can remain important, therapy helps men find balance by integrating other key areas of life. When men come to me seeking a better relationship with with work, we often discuss such as:
Self-esteem and identity
For many men, self-esteem is closely tied to their professional success, making career achievements the primary measure of their worth. In therapy, we work on diversifying self-worth from job performance alone by talking through other aspects of identity—personal values, relationships, passions, and accomplishments outside of work.
By participating in the therapeutic process, men can begin to appreciate their own inherent value and identity - who they really are beyond their job title or salary. By talking about identity-related challenges in the workplace with their therapist, men can strengthen their resilience and gain skills for navigating setbacks at work without internalizing them.
Work-life balance
Achieving work-life balance is a common challenge among men, and one that gets brought up often in therapy. This is unsurprising, considering the societal pressure to prioritize career success above all else.
For men wanting to establish a more sustainable work-life dynamic, it's essential to identify the factors contributing to work-life imbalance and explore how it impacts relationships, health, and overall well-being. From there, we redefine success in a way that encompasses more than just professional achievements and focus on developing skills such as boundary setting, time management, self-care, self-attunement, and clear prioritization.
Fulfillment
Finding fulfillment at work involves reassessing the meaning (your meaning) of success and making changes that infuse everyday life with true meaning and purpose. When I talk with men about work fulfillment in therapy, we work to figure out what brings them genuine satisfaction -beyond external markers like promotions or salary increases.
Mental health concerns
Some men seek therapy proactively as a preventive measure to maintain their mental well-being. Others, however, won’t consider therapy until they face a significant mental health challenge or feel overwhelmed. While we should work to normalize men seeking therapy early, therapy is also invaluable in addressing acute issues such as anxiety, depression, trauma, or major life transitions.
Depression
Depression can manifest in many forms, from persistent sadness and fatigue to irritability and emotional numbness. Men often face additional challenges in recognizing or acknowledging depressive symptoms due to societal expectations about emotional expression.
Therapy helps men identify the underlying causes of their depression, whether rooted in external circumstances or internal struggles. Through this work, men can develop effective strategies for managing their symptoms, find healthier emotional expression outlets, and regain hope and motivation.
Grief
Grief is a natural but deeply challenging experience, and men often struggle to express or process their emotions during times of loss. Whether it’s the death of a loved one, the end of a relationship, or other significant life changes, therapy provides a supportive space to navigate the stages of grief.
Men can explore their emotions openly, find healthy ways to cope, and work through feelings of sadness, anger, and confusion in a constructive manner. Therapy helps men move through grief without feeling pressured to suppress or "move on" too quickly.
Stress
Chronic stress often relates to work, family responsibilities, or the pressure to meet societal expectations. Left unaddressed, stress can lead to burnout, physical health issues, and emotional exhaustion. In therapy, I help men understand the sources of their stress and develop practical tools to manage it more effectively. This might include learning relaxation techniques, setting boundaries, and finding healthier ways to balance work and personal life.
Benefits of therapy for men
Men of all ages and backgrounds can find value in committing to short or long-term therapy. Whether dealing with chronic or recurring issues or grappling with situational distress, therapy offers a tailored approach to understanding and overcoming life's challenges.
One of the most empowering aspects of therapy is the focus on skill-building. Through therapy, men can develop essential tools for managing emotions, communicating effectively, and building resilience. These skills are not just for immediate challenges—they are lifelong assets that enhance overall well-being and help navigate future obstacles.
Other benefits of therapy include:
Emotional identification and regulation
Healthy communication skills
Improved attitudes around intimacy/closeness
Stress management
Coping strategies
Enhance self-awareness and personal growth
Stronger, more fulfilling relationships
Anger management
From managing anxiety and depression to improving relationships or navigating career changes, therapy provides men with the tools to build resilience, gain self-awareness, and foster healthier connections with themselves and others. Embracing therapy, even for a brief period, can lead to profound and lasting personal growth.
Guided growth
Therapy offers men an invaluable opportunity to explore their inner world, address challenges, and cultivate a more fulfilling life.
If you or someone you know is considering therapy, remember that taking the first step is a sign of strength, not weakness. It's an investment in your well-being that can lead to lasting positive change.